Tuesday, September 13, 2011
So Sleepy
We are now going on three weeks on daily low (or lower) blood-sugars. I have been as low as "lo" on my blood glucose meter to high 50's. You would think the extreme lo's would be hard to recover from, but you wouldn't think "barely low" would be hard to get over. After you go lo it is exhausting. You get so sleepy. Your energy is gone. It's like you are going on 40 hours of no sleep. And then...I remember I've got two little boys who need my attention. I don't have "time" to recover. I don't have time to make "me" better. Nobody else with help these boys. And that my friends, makes it even more exhausting.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me,
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me (and Happy real birthday to my Nanny).
I was diagnosed with this shitty disease 26 years ago today. It pisses me off to even think about how long that is. I have an enormous amount of anger towards this disease, but I'm saddened by the fact that I try and ignore it to the point that I am so far behind of some of the advances that have happened with this disease in the last few years. People talk about all these new gadgets and it blows my mind! I have had it by far longer than anyone else I have ever even heard of, but I'm still stuck in the dinosaur ages with how I live with it. Don't get my wrong, I've tried many things and hated just about every single one of them...(like the pump, ugh), but then there is now a glucose meter that plugs into you! HELLO, I need one!
No need to sit here and write depressed all day Krista, you've got munchkins to take care of!
(Ding Dong) Doorbell... Look what the hubby sent because he knew today was going to be hard for me! I sure do love him!
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me (and Happy real birthday to my Nanny).
I was diagnosed with this shitty disease 26 years ago today. It pisses me off to even think about how long that is. I have an enormous amount of anger towards this disease, but I'm saddened by the fact that I try and ignore it to the point that I am so far behind of some of the advances that have happened with this disease in the last few years. People talk about all these new gadgets and it blows my mind! I have had it by far longer than anyone else I have ever even heard of, but I'm still stuck in the dinosaur ages with how I live with it. Don't get my wrong, I've tried many things and hated just about every single one of them...(like the pump, ugh), but then there is now a glucose meter that plugs into you! HELLO, I need one!
No need to sit here and write depressed all day Krista, you've got munchkins to take care of!
(Ding Dong) Doorbell... Look what the hubby sent because he knew today was going to be hard for me! I sure do love him!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
My Biggest Fear
My biggest fear with living with diabetes isn't what most people would guess: "I might die from this disease." I'm not stupid, I KNOW I will die from this disease. What scares the hell out of me is knowing that a disease could potentially be found and I will be too old to get it. Or I will have had diabetes for too long to get the cure. Its not like once a cure is found, BOOM, everyone will be cured within a few days. No, it will take years and years of being on a waiting list. Then, who gets to go first? The newly diagnosed? The youngest? It certainly won't be me, the girl who has had it her whole life. Why save her? She's bound to have things start to go wrong soon anyways, no point wasting a good cure for someone who has been sick so long. That my friends, is what scares me. I am past the curing point. I'm no longer a curable candidate.
Getting "Used" to My Insulin Dosages
Last week was the dreaded week that I have every few months. My Endocrinologist is amazing and we really get along great. I don't want anyone to think that perhaps he is the issue. I have had a few people say "why not get a second opinion?" I don't need a second opinion because there isn't really anything anyone can do! Anyways, here's the problem:
Everytime I go to my endo to get checked and to adjust my sugars, my body has a heck of a time adjusting to new insulin dosages. My body eventually gets used to it (the insulin amounts). Once it does, my blood sugar levels will drop and I go really low. The insulin then won't work well. So, in the beginning I go low getting used to the change (even if its only one of two units), then I go high because its as if it doesn't work anymore (this time frame is about 2 months of my body being forced to accept a new level of insulin), and then BOOM a full week of super low's around the same time every day (as if my body finally figures out "oh ya, this stuff is supposed to lower sugars, not make them higher). BUT, this issue of lows only lasts about a week. So bizarre. Let's talk about last week, shall we?
Sunday: About 10:45 I felt like garbage, and I knew I was low. I had a glass of milk and felt better. Yes I should have tested my sugar, but I didn't. Bad me, I know.
Monday: I can't focus my vision right. Its blurry. This means: I'm low. Nick (my awesome husband) gets me some milk (which is the number one thing to bring up my sugars). It works. I also have some cheese. Its 10:15, so I bring the kids to our gym because they have toddler time in the gym. I have them play for about 45 minutes but I feel so awful. I drink my "always in my purse" bottle of apple juice. Feeling better I drive the 1 mile home and re-check my sugars. 48. I have another glass of milk. Nick says my pupils are small so he gives me a cheese stick to go along with my milk. He has to finish a conference call meeting in the office so he goes back into his office. He come's out 5, yes 5, minutes later to check on me: COMATOSE. I'm beyond help. He tries to give me honey (which I hate because i only have ever had it when I'm low so it makes me sick. I vomit, like usual. He checks my blood and I'm still in the 40's but I have now vomited all of my milk, honey, and cheese (did I mention I never fully finished the cheese? He said it was hanging out of my mouth when he found me). So he calls 911. I get very combatative and I fight him when I go low. BUT I seem to do okay with paramedics. When they got there I was in the 30's and I don't remember them there at all. I don't remember ANY of this. My first memory of this whole ordeal is when I am in the ambulance with them. I told the paramedic I was nauseous and he gives me a shot of anti-nausea medicine into my arm IV. To make a long story shorter...I don't remember much of the day at the hospital. Nick and the boys showed up and tried to sit with me but its hard to keep a 12 month old and a 3 1/2 year old under control in a small hospital room. The nurse had given me some pain meds too so I was sleeping and out of it. I tried to nibble on the same set of crackers for a full hour. I cannot explain how extremely difficult it is to eat food when you are low. Imagine going to a buffet. Eat as many plates as you can. Are you stuffed? Now, eat one more FULL plate. Plus a big drink to go along with it. Oh, don't forget the slice of cake too. Now, are you full? Really full? Wanting to vomit full? Have a few more bites. Oh wait...now your a diabetic hearing "you can't go home until you eat." What? I am nauseated and beyond full. I CAN"T eat. But you have too. Suck it up and just eat. "It can't be that hard, just eat and we can go home." That is my least favorite sentence in the entire world. Anyways, Nick had to leave with the kids but came back a few hours later. They let me go home at 4:00 because I could finally eat (not much but I think the nurse eventually figured it was almost a hopeless battle). I hate it when this happens. I do what I'm supposed to but this damn disease overpowers me and it wins again.
Tuesday: Checking my sugars to make sure I'm not low, and boom: SHAKY. Ugh, I need juice or milk, ASAP. I'm 34, and annoyed. But it only takes a few minutes to get back to normal
Wednesday: Around 10:00 am I check to make sure I'm not going low like the previous three days. Guess what my meter says? "lo." It won't even read a number! What the hell! I feel fine! "NIIIIIIIIIICK." He runs and grabs me milk and cheese. I am feeling fine! Not low at all! He sits with me while I check my sugars over and over until I'm back into the 60's...then into the 80's. So so so weird.
This goes on until Thursday until BOOM, I'm high with a case of the back to normal blood sugars. I don't get it and neither does Dr. E.
Everytime I go to my endo to get checked and to adjust my sugars, my body has a heck of a time adjusting to new insulin dosages. My body eventually gets used to it (the insulin amounts). Once it does, my blood sugar levels will drop and I go really low. The insulin then won't work well. So, in the beginning I go low getting used to the change (even if its only one of two units), then I go high because its as if it doesn't work anymore (this time frame is about 2 months of my body being forced to accept a new level of insulin), and then BOOM a full week of super low's around the same time every day (as if my body finally figures out "oh ya, this stuff is supposed to lower sugars, not make them higher). BUT, this issue of lows only lasts about a week. So bizarre. Let's talk about last week, shall we?
Sunday: About 10:45 I felt like garbage, and I knew I was low. I had a glass of milk and felt better. Yes I should have tested my sugar, but I didn't. Bad me, I know.
Monday: I can't focus my vision right. Its blurry. This means: I'm low. Nick (my awesome husband) gets me some milk (which is the number one thing to bring up my sugars). It works. I also have some cheese. Its 10:15, so I bring the kids to our gym because they have toddler time in the gym. I have them play for about 45 minutes but I feel so awful. I drink my "always in my purse" bottle of apple juice. Feeling better I drive the 1 mile home and re-check my sugars. 48. I have another glass of milk. Nick says my pupils are small so he gives me a cheese stick to go along with my milk. He has to finish a conference call meeting in the office so he goes back into his office. He come's out 5, yes 5, minutes later to check on me: COMATOSE. I'm beyond help. He tries to give me honey (which I hate because i only have ever had it when I'm low so it makes me sick. I vomit, like usual. He checks my blood and I'm still in the 40's but I have now vomited all of my milk, honey, and cheese (did I mention I never fully finished the cheese? He said it was hanging out of my mouth when he found me). So he calls 911. I get very combatative and I fight him when I go low. BUT I seem to do okay with paramedics. When they got there I was in the 30's and I don't remember them there at all. I don't remember ANY of this. My first memory of this whole ordeal is when I am in the ambulance with them. I told the paramedic I was nauseous and he gives me a shot of anti-nausea medicine into my arm IV. To make a long story shorter...I don't remember much of the day at the hospital. Nick and the boys showed up and tried to sit with me but its hard to keep a 12 month old and a 3 1/2 year old under control in a small hospital room. The nurse had given me some pain meds too so I was sleeping and out of it. I tried to nibble on the same set of crackers for a full hour. I cannot explain how extremely difficult it is to eat food when you are low. Imagine going to a buffet. Eat as many plates as you can. Are you stuffed? Now, eat one more FULL plate. Plus a big drink to go along with it. Oh, don't forget the slice of cake too. Now, are you full? Really full? Wanting to vomit full? Have a few more bites. Oh wait...now your a diabetic hearing "you can't go home until you eat." What? I am nauseated and beyond full. I CAN"T eat. But you have too. Suck it up and just eat. "It can't be that hard, just eat and we can go home." That is my least favorite sentence in the entire world. Anyways, Nick had to leave with the kids but came back a few hours later. They let me go home at 4:00 because I could finally eat (not much but I think the nurse eventually figured it was almost a hopeless battle). I hate it when this happens. I do what I'm supposed to but this damn disease overpowers me and it wins again.
Tuesday: Checking my sugars to make sure I'm not low, and boom: SHAKY. Ugh, I need juice or milk, ASAP. I'm 34, and annoyed. But it only takes a few minutes to get back to normal
Wednesday: Around 10:00 am I check to make sure I'm not going low like the previous three days. Guess what my meter says? "lo." It won't even read a number! What the hell! I feel fine! "NIIIIIIIIIICK." He runs and grabs me milk and cheese. I am feeling fine! Not low at all! He sits with me while I check my sugars over and over until I'm back into the 60's...then into the 80's. So so so weird.
This goes on until Thursday until BOOM, I'm high with a case of the back to normal blood sugars. I don't get it and neither does Dr. E.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)