Another low...

On my "diaversary" (anniversary of being diagnosed) a few weeks ago, I got a message on my facebook account.  It was from a Mommy of another diabetic.  She had seen my post in a parents of diabetics group we both belong too.  I know, I know, I'm not a parent of a diabetic, but the owner of the group asked me to join when she saw me on a different diabetes group.  Anyways, this group is amazing.  I have truly noticed myself taking better care of my diabetes since joining.  Even though I don't know any of these people personally, we all "know" each other and talk constantly.  Back to the message I got.  This Mommy, we will call her "A", sent a quick message introducing herself and telling me about her son "R" who is 3.  He was diagnosed a year ago (his diaversary is the day after mine!) so we were very similar in ages when we were diagnosed.  We hit it off INSTANTLY.  You know the saying "love at first sight?"  well, this was "friendship at first message."  Hah!  We talk quite often, have tons of things in common (other than diabetes).  Its nice to have that person you can just got to you know?  We love so many of the same things (hello designer purses), our clothing style in similar, we both have 2 sons, our husbands annoy us for the same reasons, and we both have great relationships with our husbands at the same time LOL.  We both go shopping when our hubbies go out on boys nights out.  We are both from Canada, have both lived in Europe, both are stay at home mommies too.  We love doing art with our kids, both wish we had a daughter, sigh...  Anyways, we really hit it off and its awesome!

Back to the main reason of this post Krista, come on...  Hah.  So the other day "A" put a picture on facebook about "R"'s blood sugar.  His was 34.  Eek.  The next day, I was 35.  Twinkies!  I thought about letting it go one unit lower so we would have been the same, but that was the diabetes thinking.  I quickly had some milk and was pretty well back to normal!  Oh the joys of diabetes...

Insulin Change

Yesterday my endocrinologists nurse, Maggie, called me back.  I had called because of these silly low's I've been having for almost 2 months straight.  Every...Single...Day.  My endo changed my morning insulin from 13 units of humulin down to 6.  Guess what?  I STILL WENT LOW.  Not low, low, but low.  Same time, 10:30 in the morning, and I was 60.  What the heck?  But, my breakfast readings have been lower than they were so that might be affecting it too.  I'll let you guys know whats happening in the next few days, hopefully these changes work.

So Sleepy

We are now going on three weeks on daily low (or lower) blood-sugars.  I have been as low as "lo" on my blood glucose meter to high 50's.  You would think the extreme lo's would be hard to recover from, but you wouldn't think "barely low" would be hard to get over.  After you go lo it is exhausting.  You get so sleepy.  Your energy is gone.  It's like you are going on 40 hours of no sleep.  And then...I remember I've got two little boys who need my attention.  I don't have "time" to recover.  I don't have time to make "me" better.  Nobody else with help these boys.  And that my friends, makes it even more exhausting.

Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me

Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me,
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday,
Happy Diabetic Birthday to Me (and Happy real birthday to my Nanny).

I was diagnosed with this shitty disease 26 years ago today.  It pisses me off to even think about how long that is.  I have an enormous amount of anger towards this disease, but I'm saddened by the fact that I try and ignore it to the point that I am so far behind of some of the advances that have happened with this disease in the last few years.  People talk about all these new gadgets and it blows my mind!  I have had it by far longer than anyone else I have ever even heard of, but I'm still stuck in the dinosaur ages with how I live with it.  Don't get my wrong, I've tried many things and hated just about every single one of them...(like the pump, ugh), but then there is now a glucose meter that plugs into you!  HELLO, I need one!

No need to sit here and write depressed all day Krista, you've got munchkins to take care of!

(Ding Dong)  Doorbell...  Look what the hubby sent because he knew today was going to be hard for me!  I sure do love him!

My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear with living with diabetes isn't what most people would guess: "I might die from this disease."  I'm not stupid, I KNOW I will die from this disease.  What scares the hell out of me is knowing that a disease could potentially be found and I will be too old to get it.  Or I will have had diabetes for too long to get the cure.  Its not like once a cure is found, BOOM, everyone will be cured within a few days.  No, it will take years and years of being on a waiting list.  Then, who gets to go first?  The newly diagnosed?  The youngest?  It certainly won't be me, the girl who has had it her whole life.  Why save her?  She's bound to have things start to go wrong soon anyways, no point wasting a good cure for someone who has been sick so long.  That my friends, is what scares me.  I am past the curing point.  I'm no longer a curable candidate.

Getting "Used" to My Insulin Dosages

Last week was the dreaded week that I have every few months.  My Endocrinologist is amazing and we really get along great.  I don't want anyone to think that perhaps he is the issue.  I have had a few people say "why not get a second opinion?"  I don't need a second opinion because there isn't really anything anyone can do!  Anyways, here's the problem:

Everytime I go to my endo to get checked and to adjust my sugars, my body has a heck of a time adjusting to new insulin dosages.  My body eventually gets used to it (the insulin amounts).  Once it does, my blood sugar levels will drop and I go really low.  The insulin then won't work well.  So, in the beginning I go low getting used to the change (even if its only one of two units), then I go high because its as if it doesn't work anymore (this time frame is about 2 months of my body being forced to accept a new level of insulin), and then BOOM a full week of super low's around the same time every day (as if my body finally figures out "oh ya, this stuff is supposed to lower sugars, not make them higher).  BUT, this issue of lows only lasts about a week.  So bizarre.  Let's talk about last week, shall we?

Sunday:  About 10:45 I felt like garbage, and I knew I was low.  I had a glass of milk and felt better.  Yes I should have tested my sugar, but I didn't.  Bad me, I know.

Monday:  I can't focus my vision right.  Its blurry.  This means: I'm low.  Nick (my awesome husband) gets me some milk (which is the number one thing to bring up my sugars).  It works.  I also have some cheese.  Its 10:15, so I bring the kids to our gym because they have toddler time in the gym.  I have them play for about 45 minutes but I  feel so awful.  I drink my "always in my purse" bottle of apple juice.  Feeling better I drive the 1 mile home and re-check my sugars.  48.  I have another glass of milk.  Nick says my pupils are small so he gives me a cheese stick  to go along with my milk.  He has to finish a conference call meeting in the office so he goes back into his office.  He come's out 5, yes 5, minutes later to check on me: COMATOSE.  I'm beyond help.  He tries to give me honey (which I hate because i only have ever had it when I'm low so it makes me sick.  I vomit, like usual.  He checks my blood and I'm still in the 40's but I have now vomited all of my milk, honey, and cheese (did I mention I never fully finished the cheese?  He said it was hanging out of my mouth when he found me).  So he calls 911.  I get very combatative and I fight him when I go low.  BUT I seem to do okay with paramedics.  When they got there I was in the 30's and I don't remember them there at all.  I don't remember ANY of this.  My first memory of this whole ordeal is when I am in the ambulance with them.  I told the paramedic I was nauseous and he gives me a shot of anti-nausea medicine into my arm IV.   To make a long story shorter...I don't remember much of the day at the hospital.  Nick and the boys showed up and tried to sit with me but its hard to keep a 12 month old and a 3 1/2 year old under control in a small hospital room.  The nurse had given me some pain meds too so I was sleeping and out of it. I tried to nibble on the same set of crackers for a full hour.  I cannot explain how extremely difficult it is to eat food when you are low.  Imagine going to a buffet.  Eat as many plates as you can.  Are you stuffed?  Now, eat one more FULL plate.  Plus a big drink to go along with it.  Oh, don't forget the slice of cake too.  Now, are you full?  Really full?  Wanting to vomit full?  Have a few more bites.  Oh wait...now your a diabetic hearing "you can't go home until you eat."  What?  I am nauseated and beyond full.  I CAN"T eat.  But you have too.  Suck it up and just eat.  "It can't be that hard, just eat and we can go home."  That is my least favorite sentence in the entire world.  Anyways,  Nick had to leave with the kids but came back a few hours later.  They let me go home at 4:00 because I could finally eat (not much but I think the nurse eventually figured it was almost a hopeless battle).  I hate it when this happens.  I do what I'm supposed to but this damn disease overpowers me and it wins again.

Tuesday: Checking my sugars to make sure I'm not low, and boom: SHAKY.  Ugh, I need juice or milk, ASAP.  I'm 34, and annoyed.  But it only takes a few minutes to get back  to normal

Wednesday:  Around 10:00 am I check to make sure I'm not going low like the previous three days.  Guess what my meter says?  "lo."  It won't even read a number!  What the hell!  I feel fine!  "NIIIIIIIIIICK."  He runs and grabs me milk and cheese.  I am feeling fine!  Not low at all!  He sits with me while I check my sugars over and over until I'm back into the 60's...then into the 80's.  So so so weird.

This goes on until Thursday until BOOM, I'm high with a case of the back to normal blood sugars.  I don't get it and neither does Dr. E.

My "Hand"

Back in March my blood sugar went low.  Too low.  My husband came home from the office to get a piece of paper and noticed the baby crying in his crib (not like me to let the little guy howl).  He went looking for me and found me, unconscious, on our bed.  He tried to give me honey hoping it would revive me (it usually does, as well as making me puke because I can't stand the taste of it).  Nothing.  He also tried to give me milk (which always shoots my sugar up), but I started to choke on it because of how low I was.  He called 911 because we didn't have a glucagon shot in the fridge (my mistake on not refilling it).  EMS came, as well as police and fire trucks (apparently nothing ever happens here in Wylie, Texas).  EMS gives a new form of glucose now.  Years ago they just gave us glucagon, but now its an IV in your hand with a sugar solution.  He put the syringe in my right hand.  Before long I started to come around.  Once my consciousness started to come back they tested my glucose: 12.  Who KNOWS how low I was before they got there.  I do believe I hold the record for lowest blood sugar ever.  Even my Doctor and Nurse had never heard of a sugar that low.  Not something to be proud of, but when you have this stupid  disease, these sorts of things kind of make you giggle when you look back on them.

I didn't need to go to the emergency room because I had regained consciousness and I promised to eat.  I kept my word.  I ate, rested, then went to bed that night.  The next morning I was surprised when I couldn't get my rings off my right hand.  I never take them off, but they were tingly feeling and I assumed they were just a bit swollen because of the needle yesterday.  Throughout the day my hand started to turn a reddish purple color and really began to swell.  I was using it as much as I could, but by the end of the day I couldn't open or close my hand at all.  Nick took me to a local emergency room that isn't attached to a hospital, its a nice little ER in our community.  The Doctor looked at my hand and said "I can't treat you here, you need to go straight to a big hospitals ER."  He said it looked like I had blood poisoning in my hand and suggested in-hospital IV fluid to help with it.  So we get back in the car and go to Presby of Plano (the hospital we really like).  The doctor there says I do have blood poisoning and it will take WEEKS to heal.  In the meantime, do not use my hand (HELLO, I HAVE A BABY!), and to keep it raised with hot compresses on it.  I would have thought ice, but no, hot compresses.  It would help circulate the blood.  I also got a couple prescriptions to help with the infection.  The Doctor drew a line to where the infection was and told me to come back if the infection (which was a reddness on the skin) grew any more.

Yes, these are both of my hands...Ew!

To make an already long story a bit shorter....here's the ending of the story:
*I couldn't use my hand at all for over a week.
*Could not open or close my fingers at all.
*It felt like my fingers were going to blow up because of how swollen  they were.
*The Dr was right; it took weeks to heal properly
*It is now August and I still get a sore, swollen hand when I'm in the heat outside or if I am dehydrated at all.
*I've tried to find a Doctor to help, but no doctor knows which kind of Doctor to send me too...